today tough is the first day of school usually ppl will be happy to get back and as for my feelings last year of going back to school after june holis, usually will be happy de cause have a better goal and have a dream of being in school studying with tat someone but this year i somehow dont een feel tat i m concentrating in scool.....
Emptiness, watery eyes, blanked mind and importantly losing some ppl already.....
i somehow just sensed i m losing friends lately bah not tat i m sensitive but somehow tat feeeling i have whn i m losing tat someone but this time its lighter and not as worst bah i guess nth in life beats this kind of emptiness and kind of pain tat eeryone has in the heart.
i just wan to be happy once more and just found my sis to be the best person to help mi through but could only last afew weeks more but not tat i wan to rely but i really m trying hard to rely on myself but i cannot be letting things go so fast i nid time....
WHY? why mi? m i the one to lose it all? i dont wish to be left out nor alone i have felt tat once and not again i m already exhausted... i really m... my last msg and maybe some last sentence to end off. . . dear, i finally know how much pain u have been going trough tat time i now really regretted btu its to late i know hope everything is fine for u now i m dying le doc already say some things and yet i m doing nth hope everything will be fine for mi after this time bah O level is not a paper of result but a paper of either GOD LIFE OF BAD LIFE tats what is in ur eyes tat time .... thanks for letting mi feel warmth tat tme an feel happy i m sorry.

feel kinda dwn and empty today though having exams soon after break ends buti dont seems anxious or nervious or what, just full of words to say but no 1 to spill t and dont seems to enjoy anything i m doing not even. . . haiish lets just say i m emoing once more.
haiish ust ytd was thinking abt how t solve my own problems then realise how ppl change so fast, esp thos whose i seek problems too lately.
feel sad tat i cant cope with my own life anymore just having to deal wit so much problems, and so much emptness in my life. . dont really have to face this ut i m facing dont know just outta a sudden i sense i m doing this for no benefits but i still kept doing....whats really wrong with my own life now? the sort of emptiness, te sort of sorrowful feelings and the FOCUS OF LIFE I M ALWAYS SEARCHING FOR ARE ALL GONE! why? whn i just thinkiing and thinkiing, dreaming and dreaming i just have those words U said on my mind.

i know what u mean was something from ur mind not heart i dont mind it but why m i thinking of, dreaming of and also searching for those things once more? i know its kinda dumb fr mi to do things for u but i do it with no regrets i dont even care abt how ppl see towards my actions for u but WHY my feelings for u are there but cant even sense ur presence!
On my mind :
i wanted to look for u to tell u how i missed u, but i m being stopped. not tat i cant but i m forced to stop cause of ur side of aiish i guess nth in life will make it the same i myslf isstopping nw le i dont wish to show any1 else my weakness just let myself have the courage back to STAND UP like how i was last summer! i will change for sure! NOV'08 TO APR'09

yea!!! getting t know sme1 else too =D haha i guess its right for mi to get a new life and a better 1 though memories of the past still comes frequently but for myself i have seen much changes in my life =D

haha though ppl still thinks tat i m thinking abt her -which i m still xD- haha nth much bah i wish t give her some of the present i bought for her previously though its expensive for some cause i know theres phones, clothes, accessories and more but i dont wan to state them.

TODAY kinad is better for mi bah found new ways to change to be better due to the previous chat with Shirlene aka POTATO =P, PEIQI, AARON and importantly by my own dream =D haha its fun for mi to get so many things after a hard time but i know i will have to treasure them as i move on =D haha THX pals

first time to drink AARON YAP!!!! kakakax BEER~ kakax and we spend quality time together though only drinking but we learnt a lot of things from one another especially Y PPL DRINK BEER but hehex next target : BOTTLE ALCOHOLIC DRINK =D HAHA I wont influence u de ah AARON =D u got limit de =P and i must take care of u for HL too =D hahax



IN THE SUMMARY, for somerewards from these few days whn and found few good and important friends =D WILL TREASURE U ALL AS I LIVE ON =D

jiejie i hope u see this, i weize have changed a lot le trying every method to change to be better but the problem will lies after i go for my OP hope u can tell mummy slowly thx my wei da de jiejie .....

Okiie la. . .this few days i realise i have some changes le..... ppl ard mi seems to be normal and i m back to myself now i seems to b okiie with my emotions and somewhat getting stronger le with those words said by shi lin , Ester kang ah jie and Mr william my tuitor i realise there are many ways and things i can do with my new life and ppl ard mi are all diff...

Like what ppl usually said, 1 type of rice can feed thousands of ppl :D


however as time pass by i realise my feeligns for tat someone somehow is so true tat i myself cant seems to forget her, i dont know if its the same for her but i know what i can do best is to try harder this year for my Os then get into a good course to get into a better life than i have TODAY! i dont understand somethigns i m doing though it benefits mi i still dont realise how it is so important for mi in life....

Somethings made mi realise too i must have done something wrong which made ppl mad and made them change towards mi....ai yo dont wan say le

Those who visit my blog de ah i will be away for few weeks due to some problem i have to atten for observations i wan a healthy mi also ah =D haha JIA YOU FOR UR EXAMS and HOLIDAYS!!!


************i really wan things to be back normal once again************

WEIZE, what is happening? why out of so many girls u are always thinking of her and not ur studies? WHY WHY WHY? why thinkiin about my life makes mii worst? learning to know tat there are so many things i cannot handle i feel so sick! i m already too tired, too plain to think of anything already why is it still tat thoughts of the past came back?
its been 3 months le WHY?


3months ago i was happy though sad abt times whn i was quarreling with her abt se liking some guy and forgoing mi so deeply i dont seems to really know what is happening to mi tat time...

2 months ago, getting sadded cause of some quarrel we had and she had camp for a few days where i feel very empty cant do anything right...my mind was filled with sorrows and pain whenever i reach school i feel sad cause couldnt sense any presence of my old fiends, my old pals and my focus of her... sad to say i m feeling very down tat time and its very down.

1month ago i was shocked to hear she was really looking down upon mi cause she is in better standard and having to be living in a new environment with a CHANGE OF HEARTS towards ppl ard . . . tat kind of feelings i have feel it b4 and i would just say its a part of life and tat part of life i would not wan tat to happen again i really dont wan it anymore le ....i m starting to feel strong le i dont know why but still thinkiin abt those time and those memories

i myself now, have been seeing lots of things happened around mi change i myself too wan to change le i always keep thinkiin of things in the past, getting to help her life, helping ppl around mi i wan to have a change le i really love her and really wan to be with my friends but i cannot cause i already have spend 1 year with them le now i have to get over with them le now i think the best is for mi to STOP LE! i must always rmb vincent, shilin, aaron, ganesan, pram and my family and relative de words NOT TO THINK ABT THE PAST LIVE ON THE FUTURE, NO MATTER WHAT MY GOAL CURRENTLY IS VERY IMPT NEED TO STRIVE FOR IT!

yes i will think of her cause my love for her is still there and no matter what even if i tell her my feelings will change but meself know its not going to cause there will sure be a part living in mi still loving her... if she was here beside mi now i would really be happy and show the smile i lost long ago but still if she could just give mi a few months more and my friends give mi a bit more time i will catch up de, i was hoping to see ppl there whenever i m in need them. . . life of a guy is not as easy a growing man face troubles but i will face them head on with them to show a great results......


emotions are now gone but will be back someday, i believe in myself and believe in her tat she will be back on track some day...

As for today its been a rough day for mi but still its better day for mi cause i have finallie woken up frm all my crying, sorrowing and importantly smoldering.

I HAVE LEARNT A GREAT LESSON TAUGHT BY MY GREAT SHI FU AND GREAT FRIENDS AROUND MI!!!
THANKS FOR ALL THE TIME TAT U ALL WERE DERE FOR MI EVEN I WAS DOWN AND REPETITIVE over my sad times but somehow I HAVE realise how much i got to change to be who i really am le THX LOTS LOTS LOTS LOTS!!!

Learning back what have been taught in school was, FATE of LOVE cannot be controlled by ppl but being able to control over over FATE of ur life with faithfulness, courage, trust and LOVE is the most impt thing. i m glad god is on my side helping mi through my life! THX GOD!

With my friends after class was the kinda thing i have finallie realise is tat i need not bother abt other thigns just enjoy all my time with them cause normal friends will look down on every weak points u have but true friends doesnt cause they will eventually help u through, THX VINCENT, QING HUI AND OTHERS not forgetting MY AH GONG AND PRAM-TROLLEY =X.


MY LESSON FOR TODAY WHICH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DE IS FROM MY GREAT SHI FU SHI LIN!! THX LOTS Robot =D, u have taught mi what is the meaning of life which i wasnt sure abt and didnt realise how Lost i was and showed mi LIGHT AND CLEAR THE FOG BETWEN MY PATH. its not a easy matter but as a friend u really did lent mi ur shoulder through words cause what i really nid was just time to cool off but i ahve already wasted 6 months on cooling now is to get back and show u what i have learnt!

i will already rmb what u all said to mi today no matter what as for my family, though i cannot always find love in them i can already help provide some for them cause loving a family is the most important thing in life!!! F-ather A-nd M-other I-(myself) L-ove Y-ou




no matter on what cause i will rmb these few lines i was given by Shi Fu: "Theres no such thing as CAN or CANNOT ; ITS whether you WANT or NOT"

By myself de: NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE CAN BE ACHIEVE BUT ONCE U WORK HARD FOR U PUTTING FAITH IN THE WORK U ARE WORKING FOR U WILL SURELY SEE GOOD RESULTS TO IT

By Qing hui de: normal friends are friends who doesnt appreciate u and laugh badly on ur bad points but TRUE friends are there not only to look but to help and guide u all along

By Gane: Ppl change whn they are in diff place but for some ppl they wont change cause of the place but cause will change not for the ppl but for myself

By vincent: Lastly let bygones be bygones dont put salt to ur wound, IT WILL REALLY HURT U EVEN MORE


actaully i was also going to spam my blog till i cannot see those msg in the btm as let things go bah;
WEIZE IS WAKING UP FROM HIS SLEEP LE lets start over again!!!

today doesn't seems to be as usually but kinda found out a new guy in RP once more however this time i guess i'm gonna have some trouble le cause suddenly those GUYS are suddenly back to me.

dunnoe whiie i dont feel right, having to know what she is doing now i kinda feel happy but kinda doesnt too. Its complicated now tat i m feeling so many thigns at once and how i wish i was like last year where FEELINGS OF JOY, HAPPINESS AND MOST OF ALL LOVED! is it just tat i m feeling very weak now? i sensed competition in life le. . .... haiish maybe jealousy is back only bah. . .. Happiness, Cheerfullness and COURAGE whn are u all coming back i wanna feel u guys !!!


i will rmb what we did last spring and tats whn all things are being forgotten . . . ....




i'm now plainly empty in life, nth seems to be right and its all not going smoothly this year. . . . i dont wan to be in this kidna deep shit !!!! WHAT A HACK OF LIFE I M FACING NOW!!
3RD shu, I M NOT WHO I M NOW NOR I WILL BE IN THE FUTURE CAUSE i know i wont be happy even with ur readings unless the day i really have achieve those goals of mine . . . ....
i'm sorry